Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction
Forgive our sins
Forged at the pulpit with forked tongues selling faux sermons.
Because I am a new wave gospel sharp, and you'll be thy witness
So gentlemen, if you are going to preach then for God sakes preach with conviction!

Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, and let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, and let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.

Just stay where I can see you.
Douse the lights!
We sure are in for a show tonight

In this little number we are graced by two displays of character,
We've got: the gunslinger extraordinaire walking contradictions
Because I for one can see no blood from their hearts or the wrists they allegedly slit
And I for one wont stand for this
If this scene were a parish you'd all be condemned.

Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, and let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, and let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you, don't you move.

Just stay where I can see you
Douse the lights!
We sure are in for a show tonight
Just stay where I can see you
Douse the lights!
We sure are in for a show tonight

Stay where I can see you
Douse the lights!

Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, and let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, and let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you, don't you move.

Don't you move
Don't you move
Strike up the band!

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