[Verse 1]
Ladies and fellas, I was hella bored
So I pedaled hella hard
To a seminar in Zanzibar
Ben & Jerry, tennis star, and Pat Benatar
Ridin' on my handlebars
That I had gaffled from a scrap metal yard
When it fell apart, I got a rental car
With mental Art Lemmon's credit card
Double-parked on the boulevard in front of Cinnabon
Won a tug-of-war with a minotaur
Then I toured the far north on a Portuguese man-o-war
Santa Claus handed me a catalog
The envelope attached on it said that you can have it all
So I got an antelope from Manitoba
Salad bowl, a catapult, a can of soda, paddleboat, a camera phone
And also a Barry Manilow, autographed canteloupe and every episode of "Solid Gold"
The antidote to Babylon and Amazon in an acid-washed can of salt
Then her friend had tagged along, who looked at all on Appolonia

[Chorus]
When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there [x2]

[Verse 2]
Here's the story folks
Totally stoned, I rode the slopes of Mount Holyoke
At 40 below, lo and behold
My homey poked too many holes in my snowmobile wheels
Now I'm rollin' on some Boboli's with spokes
Had to pony up the dough to get it all green and gold
Mumble ho, stole an Oreo, a Polaroid, some saltines
An overcoat from Walgreens, some corduroys, some sardines, canola oil
All singin' "row, row, row ya boat"
On and on, with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Shinobi and Kobe Bryant
Pokemon and Pinnochio on the Okeefenokee, Swamp
Europe, Portugal, Tokyo, Borneo and Coney Island
With the Horny Toad Memorial Orchestra with Barry White
Lyrics Born on rhymes, Maury Povich on viola, Berry Gordy on organ & Joe Torre on chimes
Don Corleone gave accordions to Marlboro Marty
When we recorded Jerome & Marcus singin' "oh-wee-oh-wee-oh"

[Chorus x4]

Whoa...Einstein, do it

[Scratching & instrumentals]

Whoa!...Bring it back, now

[Verse 3]
I met a hermit named Kermit McDermott with a learner's permit
Curb swervin' in a purple Suburban, slurpin an urange sherbert
Eatin a turnip with the words "Dirty Dirty" written in cursive on his Burberry turban
It was curtains
At the circus in Berkley, saw a turtle with a girdle, a squirrel with a curl
And the world's biggest girl, Pearl
Urkel swirled in a circle on a dirty-ass burgundy Murray bike
I had some curry rice, a turkey burger and some curly fries
Tried to return some worthless merchandise to Circuit City
Customer service was certifiably shitty
Courtesy clerk was nervous, kinda twitchy
Had a dry-and-curl perm, reminded me of Lionel Richie
Someone blurted out ("Burrrrrr!")
That's when I turned around, observed
Truck Turner had the burner out and pointed at a surfer
Mr. Furley burst out the beauty purlor in curlers
And a security jersey, thermos full of Wild Turkey

[Chorus til end]

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