[Rodney:] Joe, shut up!

Everybody hates Edie Brickell
All my favourite shows are on TV
All the restaurants serve my favourite food
'Cause now everybody's me

Now my apartment's really crowded
'Cause I live there and I'm everybody
And everybody's sleeping with my girl
But, hey, everybody's me

Now everybody's me [x4]

Everybody's watching Married with Children
Everybody's into bestiality
The stores stopped selling Amstel light
'Cause now everybody's me

Everybody loves Charles Manson
Everybody wants to set him free
And everybody's on the parole board
'Cause now everybody's me

Now everybody's me [x4]

I had to put an end to war
Didn't make much sense to shoot at myself
No more Christians, Jews, Muslims or Amway salesmen
Just a whole planet of TV addicts

Everybody's got hairy feet
Everybody follows my philosophy
Everybody's got a nephew named Jeff
'Cause now everybody's me

They had to lower all the basketball nets
'Cause everybody's only 5 foot 3
And everybody likes to dress like a monkey
'Cause now everybody's me

Now everybody's me [x4]

Now everybody's into what I do
Steve Albini, John? and Frank Sinatra sound exactly like me
I even set up a duo with Julio Iglesias
It was called Me and Julio Down By the Crackhouse
'Cause even Julio Iglesias is me
I have the number one album
I have all the albums
'Cause now everybody's me!



Now, I understand that some of you don't know Sarah Jane, so I'll tell
you a little bit about her. She's a lesbian Eskimo midget albino. She
went to college and she started the Lesbian midget Eskimo Albino
Student Union, and four hundred people signed up. There they were,
hundreds of 'em, lesbian midget left-handed Eskimo albinos. Did I
mention the fact that she's left-handed? She's left-handed, alright.

Girl's got some strange hobbies. One of her hobbies is lowering children
into open manholes, which is kinda difficult 'cause a lot of the
children are taller than her, her being a midget and everything... or
her being a left-handed midget... or her being a left-handed lesbian
midget... or her being a left-handed lesbian albino midget... or her
being a lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo... life can be really
difficult on that young lady.

She bit me once, you know. Right here, ya see this? Left a mark. She was
lowerin' a friend of mine's kid into the sewer, I run up, and tried to
stop her. I said, "Listen there, you lesbian midget left-handed albino!
And you stop right there!" Then she bit me. I'm afraid I'm gonna... I'm
gonna turn into a lesbian left-handed midget albino when the moon is
full.

Oh my God, the moon is full tonight! I can feel myself shrinking! I can
feel myself getting left-handed! I can feel myself getting the urge to
build an igloo! I can feel my skin turning white and my eyes getting
red! I can feel... I can feel the urge... to buy a Suzanne Vega album!!

NOOO! NNNNNOOOO!!!!
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Oh, I'm okay; it was just gas

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