(heaton/rotheray)
Well sitting in a bar alone
Where no-one knows your name
Is like laying in a graveyard
Wide awake
Youre scared that if you cough or yawn
You might wake up the dead
So pretend to read a paper
Or just drink instead

Im a stand-up comedian
But Id sit down if I could
The world just seems
To want folk like me to stand
And the punch-lines seem to disappear
Like clouds across the sky
And the laughter could be real
Or could be canned

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At liars bar

Well living with a lying man
Could never really hurt
But living with a drunk
Well no-one deserves
And youre looking for your husband
Youre not sure hes still alive
Dont bother with the cemetery
Hell be down at liars dive

Im a travelling businessman
I just stopped in for one drink
Youll find
That Im not like the other men
Their noses are red
Whilst mine is only pink
And they didnt choose their drink
Their drink chose them

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At liars bar

And the grave-diggers smiling
At his reflection in his spade
Hes visiting the seediest
The shallowest of graves
The vocal chords of elephants
And the characters of mice
Theyre singing whisky, whisky
So good they named it twice

Well dont pass buildings with lights on
If I said that I did Id have lied
cause what looks like a chinese restaurant
May have chinese new year inside
And son all my life Ive been searching
The bars Ive been in I forget
The lights outside ever brighter
But a light on the inside not yet

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At liars bar

And hes a world-wide traveller
Hes not like me or you
But he comes in mighty regular
For one whos passing through
That one came in his work clothes
Hes missed his last bus home
Hes missed a hell of a lot of buses
For a man who wants to roam

If I look rough I am rough
If I look sad I am
If I look broke I am broke
Just a broke down piece of man

Ive turned over enough leaves
To fill an autumn
And if I had one final wish
Id be your slave for a decade
If you could take me away from this
If you took me away from this
Id be different youd see
cause I didnt choose the drink
A drink just chose me

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At liars bar

Well Im smoking like a chimney
And Im drinking like a fish
At liars bar

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